Sacred Home Birth - A doulas perspective!

A powerful home birth story highlighting the incredible strength of women and the sacred honor of supporting birthing families. Doula Debra shares her evolving approach to home birth support and the beautiful outcome of a recent birth where connection, trust and protecting oxytocin flow created magic.

• Creating deeper connections with birthing families before labor begins
• Understanding the importance of protecting oxytocin flow during labor
• Preparing spiritually and emotionally as a birth worker
• Recognizing transition signs even when contraction patterns aren't textbook
• Witnessing the power of women birthing on their own terms
• Sharing positive birth stories to help women trust their bodies again
• Standing as a support without taking up space in the birthing room

If you find the right doula, she'll help you find your strength, your voice, and your peace in your birth journey.

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Tend and Befriend
• 1:00 Preparing for a Home Birth
• 3:09 Labor Begins - Day of Delivery
• 5:34 Active Labor and Transition Phase
• 10:23 The Birth and Final Reflections

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:06

Hey Mamas, you're listening to Tend and Befriend, a podcast about women's mental and physical health. This is Debra. I'm a mom of two, a labor and birth coach and birth advocate, a health professional, and today I'm your host. Let's dive into today's episode. Host. Let's dive into today's episode. Any information you hear or that is suggested or recommended on these episodes is not medical advice.

Speaker 2: 0:34

Hi friends, welcome back to Tend and Befriend. This is doula Debra, and today I'm going to tell you a story. It's the story of a home birth that I attended recently as a birth doula. I, of course, won't be sharing names, because that would be a breach of confidentiality, but I do want to share this experience because I think that these kinds of stories help us all remember just how powerful birth can be and how capable birthing people truly are.

Speaker 2: 1:00

This family found me through a local community resource. They were specifically looking for an experienced doula for a home birth. We set up a short 15-minute meet and greet, which I like to do when someone reaches out to me for doula care. Sometimes we'll meet for coffee at a local coffee shop, but usually it's done here at the clinic. At the end of that meeting I felt a little buzz in my chest and in my heart, that spark of joy about being back in the home birth world. I obviously wasn't sure they were going to hire me at this point. I only knew that I felt something deep within me, and some of that is because of in the last few home births that I'd attended, I had started noticing a shift in myself, in how I was showing up for these birthing persons and I realized that in order to really support home birth in the way that it deserves, I really needed to connect more deeply with the birthing family before the day of their birth, especially because at a home birth, I'm often the first one there. Besides the birthing couple, there's no hospital staff, there's no outside energy, and that means protecting the oxytocin flow really lands squarely on my shoulders. And for those of you who are newer to this world, oxytocin is the hormone that fuels labor and love. It's the hormone of connection and one of the main rules that I take on as a doula is to protect that flow, that energy, keeping that oxytocin moving through the mom's body and creating space for that to flow well, and if I'm going to do that effectively, especially in someone's home, I need to be ego-free, fully attuned and deeply connected with the birthing person and their partner.

Speaker 2: 2:49

With this family, we did all of the work. We created a birth preferences list, we talked about their values and I learned the birthing mother's love language and her why she wanted a home birth, the heart behind her choice for this home birth. We even had clear conversations about what not to say, so that every word in that space would be aligned with her needs and her beliefs. I always do a detailed prep work with any doula contract, but the shift that had happened to me had taught me that, in order for me to be the best doula that I can be in a home birth, there was something more that I needed to do.

Speaker 2: 3:38

A few weeks before the due date of this expecting family, I had this feeling that I needed a little more connection with the birthing partner, so I asked if she'd be open to going for a walk in her neighborhood and if we could do that just the two of us. There wasn't any logical reason why I felt this, I just knew. I see it every day in my massage therapy practice, the moment when someone fully lets go on my table, and I needed to know that she could do that with me in the birth space. On the birthday, as we approached her estimated due date, I felt the bond had solidified. There was real trust happening between us and I found myself wanting to fiercely protect her birth experience like it was my own.

Speaker 2: 4:30

Early one morning, actually on the due date, I got a text from the birth partner. Things were starting. The labor had begun overnight. I asked all my usual questions and encouraged mom to eat, hydrate and rest. I let them know that I'd love to hear mom's voice on a quick phone call, because as a birth worker, I can tell a lot just by listening to a couple of contractions. As I listened in, it sounded pretty early still, so I reminded them that I was ready to come as soon as they felt they needed support, and we hung up. They were coping well and I was comfortable with letting them have some time alone.

Speaker 2: 5:11

Now, one of the reasons that I was ready for this delivery was because I had just come off of a birth the day before actually two back to back. My bag was still packed and in the car, but before I headed over to this home birth, I knew that I needed to ground myself. I needed to ask my spirit guides to help me show up authentically and to leave my ego at the door and to be exactly what this birthing family needed me for. And wouldn't you know it? Just as I finished grounding myself, they texted and said can you come now? When I arrived, I walked into the most thoughtful, love-filled space that I've ever stepped foot into. I've been at a home birth before, but this was exceptional. This birthing family had created a sanctuary. Exceptional. This birthing family had created a sanctuary. Salt lamps, candles, string lights, photos of cherished memories and powerful affirmations were everywhere. Everything that we had talked about that helps make the flow of oxytocin was present in this room. It was beautiful. I felt so honored to be there.

Speaker 2: 6:28

Labor progressed steadily and the birthing mom moved through her contractions with so much strength. I took intimate photos, as I do oftentimes with permission, while the couple found ways to laugh, to hold each other and tell stories about their honeymoon and their proposal everything to fuel that oxytocin. We laughed throughout her birth. We cried throughout her birth. We prayed throughout her birth. I barely used any tools. This mama didn't need them. Any tools this mama didn't need them. She had a birth tub, an incredibly powerful partner and my hands and voice when it was necessary. Mostly, she needed presence, a witness, someone to remind her now and then that she was strong enough, power enough and that she was doing it.

Speaker 2: 7:25

After about seven hours, things began to feel a little more intense, but the contraction pattern didn't look textbook. Sometimes that happens in a delivery and, unfortunately, when you're with a medical professional, typically they're like oh, you know, nothing's happening yet because it doesn't look like 411 or 511. Oh, you know, nothing's happening yet because it doesn't look like 411 or 511. But my instincts told me that this mom was definitely in active labor. I felt a little bit like she was skirting active labor and there were no external signs to confirm that she was in active labor. But yet I knew. One big difference between home and hospital birth is that in the hospital you've got extra hands, extra opinions and extra energy. But here it was just us. I asked the birthing mother do you feel like we need another pair of hands right now? And she confidently said to me no, not just. Yet. I turned to the birth partner and asked him as well. He said I think maybe we should call and make a plan for the evening. So we did. We let the midwives know what was happening and what the contraction pattern was looking like and right after that, call something shifted. Gosh, if I could bottle that energy and share it with the world, it would be the best gift that you ever received.

Speaker 2: 8:54

Something happened in the mom. She began making deep primal sounds, more rocking, more intensity, and then came the music to my ears. She was tired and she wasn't getting enough of a break and she wasn't sure if she could keep going. And that, my friends, is when all doulas and birth practitioners know we're in it, it's happening. We were moving quickly into transition.

Speaker 2: 9:24

Within a few more contractions, they decided it was time to have the midwife come and check. Though the birthing mom wasn't totally sure about being assessed, she chose to go ahead with it because she felt that the information was needed at this point to kind of assess where she was. Again, that goes hand in hand with I'm not sure I can do this, so let me see where I am so I can make that judgment. And, of course, as a birth worker, I know exactly where she is. By the way that she's talking and I'm not saying anything, I'm just telling her she's incredible and powerful.

Speaker 2: 10:00

When the midwife arrived and did the check, she confirmed what I already felt in my bones. This mama was already at six centimeters, her cervix was soft and anterior, her membranes were still intact and the baby was pretty close. Within a few more contractions, mama's membranes released on their own. Wow, and from there it was game on. Their urge to push arrived within half an hour of that and, true to herself. This mama pushed when she felt ready and pushed in a position that she felt comfortable with. That baby was born about an hour and a half after the midwives arrived. She did it. She birthed her baby right at home, on her own terms, surrounded by love and support. I left that home birth feeling two things very deeply that night the incredible power of women and the deep honor of being invited into that space.

Speaker 2: 10:59

I love my job and I do not take that privilege lightly at all. I always want to show up for birthing women and not take up space in the birth room. I want to hold it. I want to offer what's needed and only what's needed. I won't make decisions. I will only offer information. I am a tool and not the center, and I absolutely love this life that I have cultivated. So why am I telling you this beautiful and incredibly powerful story? Because I believe that if we heard more of these stories real, raw, sacred birth stories we'd start trusting our bodies again. We'd remember that birth doesn't have to be fear-filled, that with the right support, it can be powerful and even joyful.

Speaker 2: 11:52

This work is not easy and it's not light, but it is so worth it, and I wanted to share a moment of that with you because, as doulas, we also need encouragement. And I wanted to share a moment of that with you because, as doulas, we also need encouragement. We need encouragement from other birth workers. We need to believe in ourselves and in our training and, most importantly, in our experiences with birth. To the birthing family who allowed me in, thank you. I'll never forget the honor of standing by your side and to everyone listening, I want this kind of experience for you too. It's possible, and if you find the right doula, she'll help you find your strength, your voice and your peace. As for me, I'm going to lay my head down tonight knowing that I was that doula for one birthing family this week Actually three, but who's counting? This is Doula Debra, and I thank you so much for listening.