The #1 Mistake First-Time Moms Make in Early Labor - Trying to Make Labor Happen.

🎙️ Episode Title: The #1 Mistake First-Time Moms Make in Early Labor (And What to Do Instead)
Podcast: Tend and Befriend
Host: Deborah the Doula

Episode Summary:
If you're in the last weeks of pregnancy and wondering “How will I know if it’s really labor?” — this episode is for you. Today on Tend and Befriend, I’m talking about the most common mistake I see first-time moms make in early labor — and how doing the opposite can shift your entire birth experience. (Hint: it’s not about timing contractions.)

We’ll unpack:
 🌿 What early labor actually looks and feels like
 🌿 Why the 4-1-1 and 5-1-1 rules are often misleading
 🌿 How to tune into your body, not just the clock
🌿 The real signs that labor is picking up
🌿 Why rest and nourishment matter more than “progress” early on

You don’t have to earn your labor. You don’t have to make it happen. Let it unfold.

Mentioned in this episode:
✨ Follow me on Instagram: @deborathedoula
✨ Book a birth consultation: www.pelviclove.com

If you found this episode helpful, share it with a friend who's getting ready for birth — and remember, you've got this. ❤️

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome and Introduction
• 0:45 Early Labor Signs Explained
• 1:47 The Problem with 4-1-1 Rule
• 3:30 Real Signs of Active Labor
• 4:30 Trust Your Body's Process
• 5:10 Closing and Contact Information

Transcript

Deborah: 0:00

and welcome to Tend and Befriend the podcast for women in pregnancy and postpartum, as well as general health. We're here today to talk about the number one mistake that first-time moms make in early labor and what to do instead. I'm Debra Dadula and I am your host today. Welcome. Today I'm going to talk about the number one mistake that I see first day moms making early labor and how shifting this one thing can change your whole birth experience. If you're trying to force labor to pick up when what you really need is a nap, this is the episode for you. All right, let's talk about what early labor really looks like. The contractions can come and go. Then they can space out again. When you're able to talk, you're able to walk, rest between the contractions. You have this stop start pattern, especially at night, very common with first babies. You might feel excited, restless or unsure. You question yourself like is this it? Am I possibly in labor? And that's all common.

Deborah: 1:12

Early labor is your body warming up to the idea of birth. It can last for hours, it can last for days and what your body needs in this phase is rest, nourishment and patience. My number one rule here with my doula clients is if you can eat and take a nap in this phase. Go ahead and do that. We want to really talk about and become familiar with the 411 and the 511 guidelines that most birth workers are familiar with and that usually tells us that we're in labor. And as birth workers, we are almost always looking for that 4-1-1, 5-1-1 guideline to tell us that you're in active labor and what that looks like is your contractions are four to five minutes apart and that the contraction is lasting for one whole minute and this pattern continues for one hour. So you're tracking your contractions. They're lasting for one whole minute 60 seconds, 65, a little bit longer just under and they're coming every four to five minutes apart and that pattern has been happening for one full hour. That usually tells us that you're in active labor.

Deborah: 2:31

Here's the problem with the 4-1-1 and the 5-1-1 rule. We've all heard it, all birth workers are familiar with it. If you've read any book or taken any prenatal class, it's taught all around the world. But here's why it's flawed, especially for first-time moms. Contraction timing can look textbook long before active labor. There are women that develop this pattern before they're in active labor. It doesn't tell you what intensity or progress is happening. For many first-time moms it leads to going into the birthing center way too early, getting discouraged or facing interventions for slow progress.

Deborah: 3:13

Instead of watching the clock, I highly recommend that you watch the birthing person or watch yourself. Can you walk or talk through the contractions? Can you rest? If yes, you're probably still in the early stages of labor. Here's how to know that it is actually go time and that it's time to head to the birthing center the major signs of active labor.

Deborah: 3:41

So contractions demand your full attention. You cannot talk through them. They feel stronger, longer and closer, and they stay that way. You feel more inward focus, no more chit chat between contractions. This is called primal brain and position changes do not slow down the contractions anymore. I like to use this phrase. If you're no longer walking, talking and acting like your normal human being self, then you're in active labor and it's probably time to go get some help.

Deborah: 4:17

Another thing that you have to recognize is that your body will tell you your job is to listen, rest while you can and stop feeling like you have to prove something or earn labor. The truth getting to five or six centimeters is usually the longest, hardest part, especially for first-time moms. Burning energy early makes coping harder later. You don't have to make labor happen. You don't have to earn it. You just have to support your body by resting, eating and trusting the process. And here's my final message to you about what to do in labor Try to stop watching the clock, start listening to your body. Your labor is happening, let it unfold. You've got this. Thank you so much for listening to this quick podcast. Thank you so much for listening to this quick podcast and I invite you to reach out to me on Instagram at Deborah the doula, or book a consultation If you want support preparing for birth. You can find us at wwwpelvetlovecom. Thank you so much for listening and let's talk soon.